alexa

disclaimer: this poem is very cringe. read at your own risk<3

one second i am really in love with you

the very next second you are blocked

and now you’re tired of me

i can tell you have moved on.

obviously, i am still in love with you

and now every night i wish

i never even met you or

that you did not exist.

because now i am broken

and you are broken too

i did not even meant it

i don’t want to hurt you.

but now you won’t take my shit anymore,

no matter how big i open up my door.

because you have got a life,

you have got places to be and things to do

but i am still right here

and i don’t know how to tell you that i miss you.

i hope you know i am happy for you

you’ve gotten so much more pretty

i can see you are glowing and doing

completely fine without me.

now that you are surrounded by your true friends

ones that don’t go around lying to your face

but believe me when i say i was scared,

that you might never really care.

(and i was right)

i was only trying to protect myself,

i did not want to get my heart broken again

and accidentally i played you the same way

but i do wish i could undo all that – even today.

i wish i was never friends with you

because, honestly, i never wanted to

but the way you came into my life

looked like something i have never seen before.

i made you feel loved and wiped your tears

& when i felt trash you only pretended you cared

i always stood up for you

only to learn that you never did.

little did i know that you were nothing but trouble

all you ever gave me was insecurity

i even tried to change myself

so that you would like me.

but honestly i am happy that it happened

’cause i was really trying to love someone else

when i could not even love myself,

at least i have learned that.

all along i was trying so hard

to be like the people you liked,

i never noticed that i did not like you

and at least i have learned that.

sierra [sequel to “alice”]

I spotted an empty space in the parking lot and pulled in.

We saw Juliana’s car pull in too.

We waved to her and then all of us went inside.

We chose a booth and sat down, Juliana and Cora facing us, me and Esme facing them.

I looked around the cafe. It is usually bustling with people, mostly teenagers. But at this hour, everyone was at school, trying to understand all those complicated sentences, put together in a page, assembled in a book.

There was a guy wiping the windows and a girl cleaning the counter. She caught me looking at her and smiled.

I smiled back.

“What can I get for y’all?” she said coming out from the back of the counter, with a pen and a notepad in her hand.

I could tell she was tired by the way she ended her sentence with a sigh. But I could also tell that she was trying her best to not show it.

“Umm – can I get a cup of water?” said Esme.

“A cup of water for you – and what about you guys?” the waitress asked.

“I would like a coffee” Juliana said.

“Yeah coffee for us too” Cora and I said in unison.

“One water and three coffees. Anything else?”

Then she went back after we all shook our heads, gesturing a no.

I quickly observed Juliana with a quick glance before starting the conversation.

She was staring at the small T.V. on the wall with a crease in between her eyebrows, but I could tell that she wasn’t actually listening to the news lady talking about a politician getting robbed last night.

“Now that we’re finally meeting in person I think we should go through it all once again?”

All three of them agreed to my suggestion with a nod as Juliana sat up ready to let it all out, all over again.

I tried to understand how Juliana was feeling by listening to her.

That is usually a very easy thing to do.

But Juliana was hard to decipher.

She was speaking in a very nervous and anxious tone, but her face looked like as if nothing has happened. Or at least she did not care about it.  

“And that’s when I called Saige” Juliana ended with a sigh.

“Well, to be honest, none of those twenty people came forward to support me. Not even Sierra. ” she said with a disappointment in her voice.

“And Sierra looked at me with such a weird look. Like she was enjoying looking at me feeling miserable. I couldn’t believe she was acting that way.”

“Saige, believe me, it’s Sierra. I KNOW she is framing me” she said in a very confident and convinced tone which was filled with only disappointment not even three sentences ago.

“So you think it is her because of the way she looked at you?” I asked in a sharp tone.

 “Guys, please trust me. The moment she was appointed as my personal assistant, I could see how much jealous she was feeling. I could see the rage in her eyes” Juliana said with a hint of drama in her tone.

“We have been friends since forever so I know how passionate she can be about something she wants but doesn’t get” Juliana said.

She spoke with so much certainty in her voice.

And I could tell that Cora and Esme noticed it too.

We quickly exchanged glances as the waitress came with our orders and as Juliana sipped her coffee, almost telepathically having a conversation about how convinced Juliana was about Sierra framing her.

Almost as if Juliana wanted her do it.

alice

(for the viewers who have already read this, i accidentally posted the wrong version of this story, so here’s the one i actually wanted to share)

Ok, time to get up. My sleep isn’t worth getting fired on the second day of my new position at work, I said to myself as I reached over my side-table to finally pick up the eighth call from my office.

“Hey Sierra, I am really sorry I didn’t-”

“Juliana, come here. ASAP”

That’s all Sierra said to me before she abruptly hung up.

I knew it was one of Leo’s pranks. I was pretty sure until-

Until I remembered what happened last time when, an ex-employee, Alice, was abruptly called to the office the next day after a late night party.

I tried to remove that memory from my head while quickly putting on my jeans and a t- shirt from the laundry bag. But Alice’s face just wouldn’t stop appearing in front of my eyes.

I was halfway to my car when I realized I still had messy hair and my bunny slippers on. I sprinted back, changed my shoes and decided to just forget about the hair.  

I reached my office and saw that it wasn’t a prank.

And I hoped that it wasn’t my “hunch”. I hoped it was anything but that.

I walked over to the office after locking my car only to see all those doors and windows broken, desks and tables upside down, papers, files and all those important documents just scattered everywhere along with glass pieces on the floor.

It really was a mess.

Then I saw Sierra staring at me as if all this mess was my fault.

So did all the other employees present there.

All of their cold hard stares gave me chills. Now I knew what Alice must have felt like getting the same look from all those people from her office, that I was getting right now.

Now I knew how weird she felt getting that stare from people she barely even knew at the office. And now I also new how shocked she felt getting the stare from the people she once called her close friends.

I knew how much she wanted to just run away and escape all those strange looks they were giving her. As if she was the one who have done it all. As if it was her fault.

I knew how betrayed she felt getting the same stare from her best friend, someone she considered family.

Now I knew that it was Sierra all along. Hungry for power and respect. I knew that Alice, so simple and naive, would not have done that. But I was dumb and I believed her lies.

I just wish I could tell Alice that, no, I didn’t mean to give you that look. I meant to shout at everyone there that there was no way you could’ve done it.

But she was long gone. She is long gone. And probably a lot happier than she ever was here on earth. Honestly, I am so glad that I can join her now.

that familiar touch

Going to sleep right after lunch – it was almost like a rule in her house everyone followed, except her. She preferred spending that time on a book, on craft-work or anything she was feeling like.

But then she grew up and some light reading after lunch was not an option for her because she had three kids to worry about.

But one day she was determined, “I will read today”, and with a firm mind she quickly completed all of her chores, including the ones she usually did after lunch. She finally grabbed a book and laid down on her bed with her back facing the sun coming in through the window.

When she was almost completely absorbed in the pages of her book, she suddenly felt the touch of a hand on her shoulder. She was taken aback for a few seconds because that was not just any touch, it was a familiar touch. Although, it has been a while since she has felt his touch, she could still immediately tell that the touched belonged to her father.

She wanted to turn around and look at his face but she was afraid that he might go back. But she didn’t turn her attention back to the book either, because she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus even if she tried.

Leaving her book open and its pages unread, she took her mind back to her childhood memories of her father. It has been a bit over one year since she lost him. And slowly she realized that her father may have left her planet. But the feeling he brought with himself, his feeling – that never left her. It was just a little lost somewhere on the back of her mind.

( this story is completely based on true events – it happened with my mother)

riddle

you say you heard me
but i know you didn’t listen
you tell me you’ll do it
but i know you won’t

so now i am tired of you
of your same “mentally absent” behaviour
i have been dealing with this for some years now
so just do me one last favour

avoid me as much as you can
because i will be doing the same
i cannot keep coming back to you
have a lot of goals but begging is not one of them

everybody’s gonna say that i am overreacting
that i’m just being silly
but they don’t share my mind with me
so they don’t know exactly how i feel

but that is completely fine
no one ever really understands no one
so i thought of a few way our story could align

but i never really thought that this day would come
when i will be so much against you
i could never predict what our present has become

but don’t worry i only have good intentions towards you
hurting you is not something i would wanna do
you’re a riddle that i hope one day i can solve until then don’t let your life be something where i am involved

i made you blue

hey i see you got some fancy friends now
hey is that you hanging with the popular crowds?
i knew you had it in you so just gonna say wow
but why did you have to leave me let me drown?

i can’t believe you’re actually living the life
boys chasing and all the perfect girls by your side
but TBH don’t really care i’m not in the spotlight no, when i see them all i want is to hide

it’s funny, i thought i’d never be over you
but little did i know that was so untrue
you’d be so easy to push out i never knew
so now don’t be all sad and pretend i made you blue

i would really appreciate it if you checked out the song i made with these lyrics<3

youtube:

instagram:

thank you<3

don’t know

yeah, i have known you for so long
but i can’t recognize you anymore
not sure if your fancy world is somewhere i belong
so i think i will just walk out the door

i know you will tell me to stay
but i don’t think you quite understand
without each other we’ll both be okay
or at least that’s what was in my plan

don’t know if its true when you say that you need me
don’t know why from so much perfection you chose the 1 that’s glitched
when there were a 100 DMs from where you could have picked

yeah, you still picked me the first time
and waited for me the next time i left
that just made me so much more fine
so i have got one small request

don’t let all that i just said be a lie
never leave me alone like i did
don’t ever dare to say the word goodbye
cause being left is something she made me fear

and all i need is someone to need me
so promise me you’ll be that person
promise me you’ll always love me
i just hope you never close your curtains on me…

so this was something i turned into a song for one of my friends. you can check out the song if you want<3

youtube:

instagram:

birthday

[i meant to post this on the first day of the new year, but i got busy with school and stuff so, better late than never]

new year’s but,

it isn’t what,

what i’m happy for.

i don’t care if,

a new year just started

’cause today’s the day you were born.

and we’ve been through a 100 fights,

and i’m ready for a 100 more

promise i’ll be with you on your bad nights,

’cause what else is our friendship for?

so i wish you a happy birthday,

a great 1st day of the new year too

hope you get everything you’ve wanted,

and i hope you cherish our times together like i do.

and let me tell you in advance

that if you ever find someone new,

someone to replace me,

well… i’m gonna kill you.😜💜

so these were the lyrics to a song i made for my best friend. click the link below to check it out on YouTube and Instagram:

the christmas song

getting up at 6’o clock,

to see what santa got for us

excited to unwrap them all

shook each one, “what’s inside?” i thought.

the only one who didn’t get

a gift was mum,

guess she was a naughty kid

who never got a christmas gift.

so we penned down a little note,

“please put her on the good kid list”

even so santa never

brought her anything.

so we asked her what do you want

and she replied, all that i have ever wanted,

is right here – before my eyes.

you all are the only things,

that i’ll ever need to live.

and we thought a lot about,

your christmas gift

and it was tough, believe me

so the only thing (except a few small things),

is this christmas song,

this is your gift… ❤

hey everyone, so me and my sister made a song about our mother, who’s christmas isn’t usually like ours. i posted it on instagram and youtube. i would really appreciate it if you checked it out. here’s the link ( i hope you like it ❤ ):

mirror

Those perfect girls

and those perfect boys

never seem to be afraid

to raise their voice.

Wish i could be like them

so confident and fearless

but i can’t even look at myself in the mirror

’cause all i see is a huge mess.

I always dream to be perfect

don’t really know why

probably ’cause that’s what the society wants

but i’m anyway too insecure to even try.